Hitmen Fall to Panthers
Posted by ohioderby on March 25, 2007
Despite Lebron James being in house, the Mahoning Valley Hitmen lost soul possession of 1st place in an embarrassing 56-6 loss to the North East Ohio Panthers. Ray the riffle Marrow suffered one of the worst games in EIFL history by tossing 5 interceptions and was 5 of 32 passing for 22 yards in no touchdowns.
“The NE Ohio Panthers are such a great franchise,” stated Hitmen coach/owner and G.M. Jim Terry. “I knew coming into the game we were going to lose, I knew I was going to get out coached.”
Mark Terry got the night started as he made his way to mid field prior to kick off. The fans chanted, “say it, say it, say it.” Mark Terry took the microphone and said, “Look I’m a Cowboy, howdy howdy howdy.” The place went nuts laughing at Mark Terry historically.
It was Mark Terry night, as Paramount Pictures handed out Brokeback Mountain II movie posters. “We had a problem with fans making paper air planes out of them,” said Jim Terry. It was not a good idea. Mark Terry spent most of the night lonely as not one person posed for a picture, or got an autograph from him.
The sale out crowd matched the most people in EIFL history. Jim said, “Those 4 to 5 Internet hatters aren’t talking now.”
Lebron James was on hand as he was the Hitmens special guest. You cannot go anywhere, or watch any channel without hearing something about the EIFL. I had to check this phenomenon out. Maybe the Cavs will play some games at this beautiful facility they call the Thunderdome.”
Hitmen fans are reminded that next Saturday is Mark Terry bobble head night, as well as free night. The first 250 Hitmen fans receive a free Mark Terry bobble head doll sponsored by Paramount Pictues.
Mark Terry said
You know everyone would have wanted my movie poster
Randy Lerner said
I must say that I am very impressed with Jim Terry’s management.
If Romeo doesn’t get it done in 07, we are planning to hire Jim (if, that is, we can tear him away from his lucrative EIFL gig). I’m sure he can lead the Browns to championship glory just like the Hitmen. All we need is for the Ravens, Bengals and Steelers to all quit the league, so that we can replace them with stooge opponents and rack up big wins.
ohioderby said
Randy do you think Jim is some kind of an idioit? What makes you think he would step down a level to the NFL and coach/gm the Clevealnd Browns? He is ontop of the world with the EIFL!
Randy Lerner said
We know it will be tough, but I am ready to lavishly spend my MBNA fortune to get him.
For beginners, we will upgrade the Browns franchise by moving out of the Berea practice facility and into the beautiful Thunderdome. Having the entire team share one porta-potty will really build comraderie.
If necessary, we will ditch the boring brown and orange colors and “Browns” nickname and adopt the “Hitmen” moniker. Our new slogan will be “get whacked in downtown Cleveland”.
Also, we are prepared to offer Mark Terry an important post with my English soccer team.
ohioderby said
Randy your just crazy! Jim won’t leave the EIFL unless you move all Browns games into the Thunder dome. The idea about all the teams in our divison bailing out is good. Is it possible for Terry to tell the teams in Baltimore and Pitt to leave, then field a team with the cities name and say they play there, but really just play in the Thunder dome?
Mark Terry work with your English soccer team? Comeon don’t you know he is in the middle of many important roles in up-comming movies? That would be just crazy for him to leave Hollywood. Will you be at Mark Terry Bobble head night Mr. Lerner?
Randy Lerner said
I am obviously very impressed with Jim Terry’s coaching. Unlike other candidates such as Cowher and Marty, he’s never lost a single game. And unlike Tressel, Terry has shown that he can win in the high-stakes professional game, not just with amateur college kids.
As impressive as his football skills are, his business savvy is even more visionary.
I have had extensive meetings with Commissioner Goodall. He and my fellow NFL owners are impressed with Terry’s shrewd business sense. By elimating player salaries and medical insurance, we could easily quadruple NFL profits!
Even better, by eliminating player salaries’ they will have to get “real” day jobs. This means they won’t have the time and money to run around getting into legal troubles like PacMan Jones. It’s a win-win situation!
hello said
wasnt this terry guy the indian in one flew over the cukkoo nest.